this song couldn't be any more appropriate

Well, you're just across the street
Looks a mile to my feet
I wanna go to you
Funny how I'm nervous still
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I'll always be

Could it be that everything goes 'round by chance? (chance?)
Or only one way that was always meant to be (be)
You kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say (heeey, and, heeey, and...)
I know what I should do but I just can't walk away

I can picture your face well
From the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you
I'll pick up put down the phone
Like your favorite Heatmeiser song goes
It's just like being alone

Oh god, please don't tell me this has been in vain (vain)
I need answers for all of the waiting I've done means
You kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes (heeey, and...)
I know what I should do but I just can't turn away

So go on love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
Gotta take what you can these days
There's so much ahead
So much regret
I know what you want to say
(Know what you want to say)
I know it but can't help feeling differently
I loved you, I should have said it
Tell me, just what has it ever meant?

I can't help it baby, this is who I am (am)
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel (feel)
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break (heeey, and...)
I know what I should do but I just can't walk away

...

i'm sick of my heart being fucked around with. no more games, no more bullshit, no more half-truths. tell me what is going on so i can deal with it and move on.

on Iran...

so all this shit's been going down in Iran with Ahmelookatmeiwonijad. it really is sad to see the bloodshed and unrest that has been happening, but at the same time, it's so amazing to see people in a country who is still one of our enemies fight for something that they know is right. democracy is an awesome part of what the united states is all about but it's so impressive and cool to see it happen in places where it hasn't really ever truly been.

tired

this blog just started and i don't know who will read this as i'm only posting the link in one place at one time. so kudos to you for finding my "diary" of sorts.

a warning: this will sound bitter. but really it's just five years of frustration coming out in text form.

i'm sick and tired of seeing people post pictures and updates about their precious little happy lives with their significant others and how he or she is the "most (insert overly gratuitous adjective and relation to person combo here) ever!!!!". i have nothing against those people in particular, i'm just tired of it being shoved in my face. yes of course we all want to have a perfect hollywood love story and live out the rest of our days without a care but it just doesn't work that way for some of us. i've been in love 4 times in my life and only one of those times the person loved me back in that way. it sucks to have a 25% success record. it makes me feel like shit and like i'm doomed for all eternity to play the best friend/brother role to whomever i end up falling for. that role isn't necessarily bad, just gets frustrating when it happens time after time and you want something more. i've got no one to blame but myself though.

watch any episode of futurama and just watch fry and leela. you'll know exactly what i mean by this.

updates to this blog will happen. i don't know when, i don't know what about. for all i know i might let it sit and forget about it for two years but stay tuned anyway...